The next step in the healing process

I wonder sometimes what a person goes through when they've been diagnosed with cancer. It starts and spreads... that is the nature of the illness. Some are cured, some are killed. There has been alot of cancer in my family... every woman ... both grandmothers, my mom and my sister have each had their bouts with cancer. Grandma (Mom's mom) had lung cancer... it killed her at 64. Oma (Dad's mom) had breast cancer when she was 90. The lump was removed in a month and she lived 6 more years. My sister had her tyroid removed and Mom has had a run of skin cancer.

I have a cancer that no medical scanning system will ever pick up. It's been working it's way through my soul, instead of my body. It started small and has grown over the years and over the decades to a malignancy of greatest proportion. It could kill me.

The cancer is FEAR.

I know I have a chance in beating this thing before it takes me down. What concerns me is will I take the necessary measures needed to find the cure. And there is one.

1 John 4:18

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."

No diagnosis on that portion of scripture... except I know what has fed the cancer.

I wrote a poem 12 years ago... "Rusty Love". It was one of my first poems.

Rusty Love

Corroded by time, torn apart
Blackened with age, a worn out heart

Open and willing to try love again
Only to find a disasterous end

Broken and weakened each time love had failed
But holding on tighter love still prevailed

Then love turned the dying into the dead
When one more goodbye was all that was said

Corroded by time, torn apart
Rusty love destroyed the heart


There have been a recent turn of events that lead me to believe the door is opening to the next level in healing my cancer. But the procedure is high risk. I could close the door and accept my fate and die from it... or I could risk everything on a cure I know will end the malignancy for life.

You're a big part of this. I was told I would get married one day, but God wanted to heal me first. I believe something different. I believe you will be a part of the healing process. Are you up for that...It could get ugly. Actually it has already...

I really don't want to die of this... I'd rather die in peace.