waiting...

there's silence in the room. wondering if I'm still allowed to dream. a topic of conversation came up today at church with some girlfriends. praying for a husband. should I be praying for you? it seems so wrong to ask God for someone. issues, I still have issues. I watched "my best freind's wedding" and deposited a river of tears on my pillow. I can't explain it... when is it going to stop. when is the loneliness going to end. when is God going to be enough? have you become a necessity?

here's a verse for you to chew on. 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear; because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."

am I still in torment because of an abundance of residual fear in my life? will I ever get to experience perfect love? someone's coming for a visit this week. a man I still call the best male friend I've had in the last 12 years. when every man's walked in and out of my life... he's stayed. he's married now with three kids. like "michael" in the movie... he's found his "kimi"... I said goodbye years ago... thinking that because he's married, I must let go of my "best friend". but he still comes around as if nothing has changed. things have changed, but there is still that reassurance that our friendship is still okay.

what is perfect love anyway... a love without the presence of fear?

if you are real, not just a dream... you're in for a real adventure. what has God told you about me so far? has he prepared you at all? are you praying for me? if you are real, will the love that grows between us be perfect? if so, will it be the first time I've ever experienced perfect love?

Jesus... loves me... knows it all... never leaves me... is there when I cry out.. is my hope when hopelessness seems all there is... gave everything for me... IS PERFECT LOVE...

do I fear when I come into his presence... is there any reason to...

¿Quien es como tu, Señor?