"Unwilling"

I just resurrected a poem I had written a while back and posted it onto the poetry blog. "Unwilling"

It says so much and what is so sad is that "he" wasn't you. I just wish he could have been. Now I am thinking that when you do come along, I will miss you completely. I will be so bruised and damaged by the failed attempts at true companionship, that you will stop, wave and walk away. Because you want to... I don't think so. I don't know why so many walk away. Am I that undesirable of a companion?

What do I have to change to be perfect in your eyes? Oh, I know I will never be perfect, but unless I can become perfect for you, what hope is there? Unless there is no other woman for you, what is my place, my role?. Will I ever be that woman?

Maybe you are already here... How can I ever know. All I see right now is potential for pain and heartache. I don't see you. I don't see the one who will help me to change all this.

And you ask, How has God changed things for me? Jesus is the only one who will never fit into that category. Jesus is the only one I don't have to fear walking away. Jesus is the perfection that I feel safe with. I wish he was enough. I wish I didn't long for you as much as I do. I wish I could finish this life off single, alone... but tell me something. Did God really design my life to end like that?
If you are one of my friends, please don't be disheartened if I am distant. I might appear to desire intimacy, but right now, it isn't something you can trust. Right now, just be my friend.